With the shut down closing gyms, I know I’m not the only one recovering from an eating disorder or body image issues having a tough time. Most “normal” women (and men) I’ve met have have some degree of fear surrounding weight gain/loss or a changing body composition. That’s okay, it’s part of being human in a society so image obsessed. What’s important is we have an open dialogue about it.
Over the past year/ year and a half, I was already stepping back from the gym to rethink and rewire my intentions.
Too many years, I used the gym to run away from the little girl who was made fun of for her weight, obsessing over measurements, sets/reps, pounds & ounces; and it’s a long process digging deep to find out who you really are when you stop ruminating on who you’re trying not to be.
I’ve gotten softer and smaller, a bit less “toned”, and it wasn’t so scary when I could still go to the gym for a feel-good workout, a nice cardio session to ease the anxiety, the sauna for some warmth, just to be anywhere but alone on a shaky body image day.
At-home workouts have historically been very -dare I say- “triggering” for me. Alone, there’s no societal norm keeping me from pinching the squishy bits of myself that caused me such turmoil in childhood. Nobodys’ imagined judgement to keep me from body-checking myself for fear of seeming conceited, no eyes to accidentally meet that keep me grounded in the moment & task at hand.
I haven’t been doing hour long home workouts with 392727268 resistance bands, I haven’t been doing all the ab workouts, and I haven’t been tracking my calories meticulously.
What I have been doing is using some resistance bands randomly throughout the day- some sets here and there to feel my body move and my muscles contract. It helps release the tightness that accumulates with worry. I’ve been walking my dogs and walking alone. Listening to audiobooks and podcasts that have nothing to do with optimizing workouts for glute growth or fat loss. Eating veg, fruit, starch, legumes, nuts/seeds to my hearts content and doing some baking too.
This is me telling you: there are much worse things than squishy arms and legs. Please take care ❤️